Ages 6-18: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Ages 6-18: Where do you want to go to college?
Age 18-21: Are you dating anyone?
Age 18-21 (If the answer was no): Have you met my _________?
Age 18-21 (If the answer was yes): Is it serious?
Age 18-21 (If the answer is no): Why not?
Age 18-21 (If the answer is yes): Don't you think you are too young to settle down?
Age 22-25: Are you dating anyone important?
Age 22-25 (no): Have you tried ________?
Age 22-25 (yes): Is it serious?
Age 22-25 (no): Don't you want to get married?
Age 22-25 (yes): Has he asked you to marry him?
Age 25-30 (If unmarried): So are you dating anyone important yet?
Age 25-30 (If married): When are you having babies???!?
Age 25-30 (After one baby): When are you having MORE babies!!!???
I have been fielding these questions for 22 years. I don't yet know what the questions will be after 30, but I can wager a few guesses. The last question is the one that really gets to me. When are you having more babies....well....to be honest, probably never. I won't rule it our completely, but we are happy. We are happy as a family of three.
J and I have bounced around this topic and decision for over a year. At one point or another one us wanted another one, the other did not. Lately though, the vote has been unanimous, no more babies. We have been told we are selfish, we are doing A a disservice, she will be spoiled, she will be lonely, she will be alone.....The thing is, we disagree with all those things. Yes, it might be selfish on our part. We want things. Better things than we have now. We want to be able to take family vacations, have a nice home (in a good school district), give A all the things we never had. Yes, we could do this with another child, but not to the extent we can with only one.
I am not knocking any choice. If you want 7 children and can afford them, then have 7 children. If you want 2, 3, 1, or none, do what you want. There is no right number of children for any family, so why is that people feel like having one is a bad thing? I don't need a guilt trip. Trust me.
This is a really hard decision for us to make. We are still not 100% certain (but 95% of me says no). I LOVE A with all my heart. I want to give her the world. I want her to have as much of my attention as possible. But I am a "bad" mom because I only want one child....I am not sure how that adds up.
I will miss the pink baby smell. I will miss the adorable baby clothes. I will miss the coos, the giggles, the snuggles. But another baby is just a temporary fix to those lost memories. I would rather look forward to A's first day of school. The nights she wants to sleep in bed with me. Her first trip to the ocean. Her first flight. So many more great memories to build. So much love to give.
So the next time you ask me when I am having another baby, and I say I'm not, don't judge. Don't tell me to give it time. Just trust that I know what I want, what my family needs, and that I am happy with my choice.
|The Three Musketeers|