I had a long week. That is clear in the title I suppose. Easter weekend I received a phone call from my dad. I had an uncle who fought cancer for 8 long years, and the nurses thought Easter Sunday would be the end of that battle. Some how, some way, through the Wolf stubbornness that my family seems to have he held on. As the closing notes of The National Anthem played during the "opening day" Rangers game on Friday he took his final breath. This was a fitting end for a baseball fanatic. The week was long though, because it was a week of waiting. I knew the end was coming, but not when. I felt so bad for my dad, my aunt, my cousins....My uncle was young, 59, and my cousins are in their early thirties. Cancer sucks. No other way about it. Today we laid him to rest. I feel like I've been moving since Friday when I got the news, so I can't even imagine how his wife, his children, his grandchildren, and his brothers and sister feel.
In addition to my uncle's passing this week was also the first round of my state's version of standardized tests. These things are a beating for students and teachers. I spent six hours Tuesday and six hours Wednesday staring at my students while they took a test. Sounds easy, but it is exhausting. The amount of stress these tests generate is insane. I feel inadequate in my job, which in turn makes me feel tired and a bit like giving up.
I find myself falling further and further behind in my projects. I have worked on no more princesses for A's (now very quickly upcoming) birthday. Nor have I finished the furniture I am redoing. The house is littered with my half finished projects. Ribbon and tulle from my dress making phase, fabric from Christmas, tiles from the coaster projects...All half finished.
I also find myself stuck 8 pounds away from my goal of losing 50 pounds by the time I turn 30 (again rapidly approaching). I constantly worry that I will instead find myself on the other side of the losing equation and all my work will be for nothing. I will wake up 42 pounds heavier, back where I started a year ago.
My house is a mess. A legit, piles of clothes, piles of papers, piles of projects mess. All of that is my fault too.
I feel discouraged in many so many areas right now...I hope I will snap out of this Spring funk, but fear that may not happen until it is too late. Sorry for the down beat post, again hopefully this will help break the haze a bit. And I don't need reminders that I have a lot to be thankful for, I am aware. I have a job, a house, amazing friends, and a loving family. I am healthy. I am alive. And I am thankful. But sometimes, the minutia gets to you, you know?