In the three full weeks that I have been out for summer, I have gained 5 pounds. It is not the 2-3 bounce around pounds I was fighting at the end of the school year, it is 5 hard, not-budging, not water-weight, real life pounds. 5 pounds doesn't sound like a lot. Except it is. For me that 5 pounds puts me back on the wrong side of the BMI scale (not that I really buy in to it, but still), it puts me at the number I wanted to have as my safety weight, and it almost puts me out of my clothes. When you are 5'1, 5 pounds matter.

Not one of the photos that set this post in motion, although the arm roll is getting to me.
Also 5 pounds in three weeks is alarming. I have seven weeks of summer vacation remaining, so at the current rate.....well I am not liking that math. I also saw some very unflattering photos today, and to say that they upset me would be underselling it.
Horrid. You can see why most shots of me are neck up!

Yowza. That is super unfortunate.

I am fully aware that I am not thin. I am not tiny. I am not svelte. But I felt good about how I looked. Until I saw these pictures. They were candid, so obviously I couldn't work any angles, turn, suck-in, or even stand up straight. (The normal tricks to appearing thinner in photos!) I know that my body is the only one I will have, so I should love it. And I am working on it. I liked it quite a bit just a few months and weeks ago. I was okay with not meeting my 50 pound weight loss. I was happy that I could walk in to any store, pick up a standard size, and know that it would (90% of the time) fit. I had even made huge strides by going sleeveless this summer. (A huge step if you know me well.)

I don't like feeling so let down. If I could magically change these feelings, I would. I can't though, so instead I need to find a way to work through them. I am open to suggestions. I am not really sure how to re-enter the world of exercising. I am burned out on the Jillian video, plus it makes me feel like a failure because I can not/will not do it for 30 days in a row.

Basically, I am throwing yet another pity party for myself. (Gosh I might need to change the name of the blog to We All Have Pity Parties.) I will either get the 5 pounds back off, or....Well I don't know.

So here I am. Another setback on a what has been a very long, very bumpy road.


  1. I so understand your struggle. I hate stepping on the scale and realizing that I have 'failed' yet again. But, my sweet, sweet husband reminded me of something this week. He loves me. My kids adore me. And, I should love me too. It's so hard...maybe instead of stressing about the weight I'll just throw away all of our mirrors and prohibit the use of cameras in my presence! Haha.

  2. I am trying to have that outlook Bobbie! The other day A asked me to delete a picture that was "horrible." I cringed because that was 100% me coming out of her mouth.