Unreached Goals

What do you do when you fail? Cry? Laugh? Give up? Some combination of all three?

For me, yes, yes, yes, and yes. At the end of May I was weighing in at my lowest weight in over 6 years, probably closer to 7. I was within sight of my ultimate end goal, to be anywhere in the 130's. I mean it was still a long distance view, but I could see it! Then summer vacation came along. When I started back to work I was a good ten pounds heavier than when I left. Today I found myself closer to 15 pounds away from that May number. I weighed mid day, so the "real" number is probably 12 up, but either way, I have been in the midst of a crying/laughing/giving up fit.

I do not want to wake up and find myself so far from my goal that I can no longer imagine achieving it, and frankly, these 12 pounds are pushing me there. I can no longer see the end goal, the 130's are now twice as far away as they were in May. Four months.

A lot of people find it hard to believe that someone would/could gain 12 pounds over a summer, but I am living proof it can happen. Part of the problem is how I lost the weight in the first place, resorting to not eating during the day, stress, and occasional work outs to get me to where I was. I know this only worked because I had so much weight to lose, and once I got closer to my goal (16 pounds from the 130's) the less that method worked. I tried to get serious in July, working out five days a week, but then I had a business trip, then Disney, then back to work. I am so full of excuses, it is no wonder I've gained weight!

The biggest issues have been how I feel, how I look, and how my clothes are fitting. (Hint, they aren't.) I went through a huge closet clean-out once I hit a ten, purging my closet of the 18's, 16's, and 14's. I kept two pair of size 12 safety pants, and I have found myself reaching for them. This is not what I wanted.

I wanted to be packing up my 10's and reaching for 8's, or at the very least buying more of the same. And look, I know all about vanity sizing and that the number shouldn't matter; honestly the number in the waistband has less of an impact than the fact that I have a whole wardrobe of cute clothes that now look crappy because they do not fit correctly. 

So here I go again, take 1200 (or something). I do not really know what to do. Honestly. Do I go back to no food during the day? Do I try mini meals, or diet meals, or shake replacements? How do I live a normal life, lose weight, and still have time for my family? Oh and work, and cleaning, and all the other junk that comes with being responsible for others? I'm asking because the only answers I have are not answers I want to hear. But, maybe they are the ones I need. I don't know.

The saddest part is, I feel like these are the only type of posts I have any voice on anymore. I also feel like I've written this exact post so many times that it is becoming my defining trait, I will forever be the girl trying (and failing) to lose weight. That is not who I want to be.

Disney Recap: Day 4

Day 4:

The beautiful ceiling.
Snowfall! Matches the pattern from the movie exactly.

Day 4 was fantastic! This was our first full day at the big cheese, the one you think of when you think Disney, the Magic Kingdom. We were there that morning for "rope drop", which meant we were able to be in the 2nd group of the day for Enchanted Tales with Belle. J had already grabbed us a set of fast passes for Peter Pan's Flight, so the timing was perfect. A got picked to be Maurice in the show, which is what Enchanted Tales with Belle is. Rather than a traditional meet and great, you help Belle reenact the night she and the Beast fell in love. After Belle we rode Peter Pan and It's a Small World. We managed to ride the Little Mermaid, Dumbo, Peter Pan (again), Winnie the Pooh, and It's a Small World (again) before our 11:30 Be Our Guest lunch reservation. Thank to my obsessive planning (everyone who laughed at me), I found out about a way to get a "fast-pass" for BOG lunch, which at the moment is generally a 1-2 hour wait. For food. Thanks to this loophole, we were able to bypass the incredibly long line of people waiting in the sun and go right up to the castle. Be Our Guest, for those not into Disney World, is a pretty much exact replica of the Beast's castle from Beauty and the Beast. As a person who came into cultural awareness during the Disney Renaissance (the late 80's to late 90's when they were making smash movies like The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin) this restaurant is right in my wheelhouse. I've seen Beauty and the Beast more than 100 times, and Belle and Ariel are my two favorite princesses (though Rapunzel and Merida are pretty great). So the idea of eating in the Beast's castle was something I could not miss. The food was fine, good even, but let's be real. It was so not about the food. I was in the castle. We ate in the main dining room, which is modeled after the ballroom where Belle and the Beast dance. The ceiling much work. We received a table next to the window, which meant we were treated to beautiful snowfall during our meal. I will go back there, if only to eat in one of the other rooms, the West Wing or the Rose room.

After lunch, we got in line (a wonderfully air conditioned tent) to meet Daisy and Minnie Mouse. Then we headed back to the hotel for our afternoon break. After a nap and a change of clothes, we headed back. We ate a lighter dinner, as we had a special treat planned for later. After dinner we rode Pirates,meandered around a bit, then made our way over towards the castle. We had a dessert party to attend!

I will admit, the dessert party was fun, but it is not something we are likely to do again. It was pricey, but the food was yummy, and the view was fantastic! Basically, you are in a covered terrace area with 150 other guests, with an all you can eat dessert buffet, with a lovely view of Cinderella's castle. This means you have a prime spot to watch the nightly fireworks. They pipe the music in as well.

This was a very long day! I promise I will get days 5 and 6 up soon.

Disney Recap: Days 2 and 3--AKA I Suck at Blogging

Dude. Ball dropped. So let me apologize first and get it out of the way. I meant to recap our trip on a day-by-day basis. I was going to do one or two a week. We've been home a month, and I have written one!

Moving on....

Day 2 of our trip was amazing. We went to Epcot.

We loved Akershus! The food was delicious. We will absolutely be returning to Akershus for lunch if (when) we return to Disney. The princesses were lovely, A even got to lead the princess parade with Snow White. My sandwich and soup were delicious, and I liked the cold buffet items too. I think this might have been my favorite meal of the entire trip.

We rode Soarin' twice, A just squeaked by the 40 inch mark! She loved it, so as soon as we found out she was tall enough, we grabbed fast passes then got in line. This ensured we were able to ride twice. Soarin' is one of those rides that the line grows to hours throughout the day. We rode one, then went an rode Nemo, did Turtle Talk with Crush, and explored the aquarium. Then it was time to cash in our fast pass. Roda Soarin' again.

After lunch and a few rides, we went back to the hotel to rest and change clothes. We came back in the afternoon and explored the countries at Epcot. I had dinner in Morocco, J had fish and chips from England. We are while we watched the firework show over the lake. It was a fantastic day.

Day 3: Animal Kingdom

We went to Animal Kingdom on day 3. This was my least favorite park of the three that we visited. A wasn't tall enough for most of the rides, and the things that she was tall enough for were spaced out all over the park. We did get in and go straight to the safari ride. Because we went early, the animals were out. We saw cheetahs, lions, elephants, rhinos, giraffes, and a host of other animals. After the safari we rode the water ride (with out ponchos on!). We did a little shopping, had lunch (it was very yummy), and then watched The Lion King musical show. The show was exceptional. I wish we could have seen the Nemo show too, but it was already 2 by this time. We went back to the hotel, slept, swam, and changed, then headed to Downtown Disney for the evening. Downtown Disney was cool, but it was so crowded, we could hardly enjoy the stores. I would love to come back in the middle of February when the park attendance is 1/3 of what it is in the summer. We still managed to do some shopping though!