A Year in My Life



2016... This year was one full of challenges. Don't get me wrong, there were positives, but  it seemed as if every positive had one or more negative that came along with it. 

2016 was the year I finally went to the doctor and talked to somebody about my depression. I was vocal about the fact that I was/am battling depression and anxiety. The biggest negative in regards to my medications is the 20+ pounds that I've gained since January and the way that mentally impacts me. I included the Carrie Fisher quote above because the desire for beauty and the way I view myself is tied directly to my depression. Gaining weight makes me feel like a failure. Then that thought takes hold and I see myself as a failure in all aspects of my life: wife, mom, friend, worker, human. But Ms. Fisher is right and I hope to remember that in 2017. 

I struggled with loneliness this year.  You know that feeling when your best friend is someone else's best friend? 2016 had me feeling that a lot. I spent a number of evenings at home crying over perceived loneliness mixed with jealousy. Jealousy that others had so much more--more friends, more fun, more fellowship. How much of that is real and how much is in my head is what I hope to work through in 2017 as well.

One big positive was that I finished grad school with a 4.0. The downside to this is that now my student loans are due. (Money struggles were a reoccurring issue in 2016...) 

Additionally, I gained a wonderful new coworker but lost people I never thought would leave-- including people I considered mentors. One of my biggest struggles has always been dealing with change, so it has been a very different and difficult transition. I have to trust that things will work out, keep my head down, and focus on what I do, but I can't help but mourn the loss of knowledge LE suffered this year. 

Money. Oh, money. This year we discovered that perhaps we bought a bit more house than we really needed. In reality it's not the house that's the problem, it's me and my shopping... My spending is a replacement for other issues, and recognizing that is key. Money stresses cause strife though, and I always want A to have everything she needs or wants. So having to cut back has been hard for me, but it is absolutely something I am working to improve. 

For 2017, I want to work towards my own happiness. I want a decluttered home and more importantly a decluttered mind. I want to make sure I spend time with my family and friends. I want to look back on 2017 as one of the best years of my life. 

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